Case Study

Do you feel out of control?

It is very easy to feel that you are out of control, but with some very small changes it is possible to lessen conflict within the home. Society tends to blame parents, and in turn it is easy to blame yourself. This can make you feel isolated and alone.

Here is one father’s experience of being able to turn things around.

Barry, a struggling single father of 3, felt that he was bashing his head against a brick wall. No matter what he tried, it appeared as if he was fighting a losing battle. He had run out of energy, and simply no longer knew what to do. None of his methods were working and, try as he might, he felt completely out of control. His children were starting to display high levels of anger. This started at home but more recently had spread outside. The schools would phone him and  the Police had started to visit to talk to him about their anti social behaviour. Their mother couldn’t cope so even when they were staying there he’d get calls to go round and ‘sort them out’

Barry felt he had run out of ideas. A friend told him about a parenting course and he decided that he would give it a try. After all what had he to lose.

The course enabled Barry to see that he could choose his behaviour. He realised that he had a choice about how he responded to the various situations at home.

He understood more of what was really going on within his relationships with his children. He started to understand that their levels of anger came out of his not listening and understanding them. He’d taken it for granted that they would agree with what he said and never tried to see things from their perspective. It was an eye opener to him how they saw things and he learnt that he hadn’t been explaining the situations to them. Just expecting them to know. He recognised that the message his children were getting was that they were a pain in the neck and a nuisance to have around.

Things improved for Barry; this is what he had to say.

“You can fly of the handle all the time, or you can stop and think. It is up to you.”
“My kids have been a whole lot better since. It really has changed my life. I was always so down and struggling. Now, I feel more confident and more able to cope with all the changes that occur with the children.”
“I thought I had tried everything, I’d given them good hidings, I’d tried grounding them, but things just got worse. Now I have new methods of dealing with them, and we are all much happier.”
“I would strongly recommend anyone, especially Dads, to take time out and find out what is really going on. I did, and although it’s not all perfect, we now have a much happier home life, and I have better relationships with my children.”

Advanced Parenting Skills by HarveyAshe